It’s been 16 years, today, since I hemorrhaged (see previous posts My Re-Birthday and Celebrating the Anniversary of My Rebirth), and I am just realizing it is finally time to let the past go. I’ve been celebrating this anniversary all these years and I think it was important for me to do that. Being an event which propelled me into a new life, it deserved to be honored. But I have honored it enough.
So very much has happened since—many smaller deaths and rebirths. As David Whyte says in a tape I’ve been listening to, “Life is a constant experience of being thrown out of your old place and going on to find the new.” It is time for me to mark and celebrate that.
Here I am in the mountains of northern New Mexico, living a life of deep solitude—nothing I ever planned or dreamed of, but I’m here none the less. And I realize that what happened to me on that day in March, 16 years ago, is that I came out of hiding. I came alive. I let life find me.
Today I choose to celebrate that.
I have never lived so deeply. Sometimes it’s painful. Sometimes I feel joy I have no words for. But always, always, this spiritual path I am on (and that’s exactly what it is—a path of spirit) is a revelation. And there is no going back.
Every insight brings with it added responsibility. I see myself more clearly. I don’t get to hide anymore. I am living truer and truer. Even when I think I want something, if it takes me off my path, if it stunts my growth, life rights my course. I don’t get to deny my truth—not for long anyway.
I want to celebrate that.
Today I honor the listening that keeps me clear. I embrace the struggles that cut away all things false. I revel in the wilderness experience my life has become. And I rejoice in the rocky path that winds me home.
Today I claim my life. I stand in the center of it. I make my home in it in larger and larger places. And there is no going back.
I open my heart to the wound and to the ecstasy.
Today I celebrate that.
And I wish it for all of you.
Love to you all,