OK here’s the thing: It seems like lots has gone wrong with my physical being over the last 3½ years and right now I feel like I’m teetering on a balance between an irretrievable old age of lost function forever or reclaiming my strength. Today, as is true so many days, falling into old age sounds pretty good. And my flannel sheets are calling my name, softly calling…
All the same, I’ve got to get down to the gym in Espinola (a half hour drive one way) three times a week to do leg exercises to strengthen muscles that will then support a badly injured knee. Tomorrow was supposed to be my first day but there was a mix up on my meds late on Friday that I need to attend to as well and, the truth is, I just don’t want to go and it takes very little persuading to make me stay, so untangling Pfizer could seem like a very good excuse.
But, really, the fact is I feel like I’m so far gone at this point I just can’t believe there’s any getting back again.
And on top of it all I have to lose weight! For the first time in my life I’m heavy, which is almost a surprise. It just seemed to happen all of a sudden. I’ll admit I’ve sought the comfort of food over these three years past and now I’m afraid I’m paying the price for it. So not only do I need to lose weight for my own sense of self, I also need to remove the extra poundage off of that bad knee (and the good one that’s getting bad from doing all the work of the other).
So, again, here’s the thing: I need to get to the gym and I find I have very little heart or will to do it. So I’ve written this small piece to you all to enlist your support in getting me down the mountain to start a thing I want DONE without the doing of it. Oh me. There’s very little for you all in this post I’m afraid unless, of course, there are those of you out there facing something you don’t want to do that seems hopeless but will be good for you; oh and something you have absolutely no time for either. If there are, then maybe you’ll join me and together we can get to the doing of it rather than wishing it to be done.
But regardless, I already feel you all with me and I promise you this: Just writing to you has made me stronger, my resolve is awakening a bit, I’m shaking off a layer of dust…
So right now I say we begin tomorrow.
Love to you all,