And yet a few hearty souls have stood by me and it is they who are showing me a path to deeper love. It’s not easy, as you who have traveled there already know.
We were FINALLY able to pull away from Snow Canyon State Park in southern Utah and I felt as though I’d been set free from whatever hold the desert had over me.
A friend recently wrote this to me, “… as you ponder the meaning of life, don’t forget to factor in the meaning that you yourself make.” And there it is: Every single one of us has a place. We each and every one of us have an effect. I am certain. And that cannot be insignificant.
When I look back at this, now, I wonder that I was ever so certain. It stands in such stark contrast to my current pessimism. But I was positive. Enough to get me to leave my home of eight years in Utah, to buy land in a state I’d only visited once and to build a new home and a new life on my own in New Mexico.
I’m packing a bag and some books and heading down to Taos to stay in Mabel Dodge Luhan’s old house. Really. I am. I can’t believe it myself, but it’s true.
Pain or no I intend to continue. And you all are some of what I know to grab hold of when I need a pull up, when I need to remember who I am.
… I put some real heart into wondering why I had ever been. And there was nothing. No great thing. No reason at all that I could come up with.