I am 61 years old and it has taken me all of these years to fully understand that I do not have a say in another person’s journey. They are not a moving backdrop for me; they are not extras in my play, as David Whyte says in that old tape of his I’ve been listening to.
Whyte references Simone Weil, the French mystic philosopher from the 40s. She said, “What we love in other people is the hoped for satisfaction of our desires. We do not love them for their desires.”
Whyte adds that “…the hardest thing in the world is to love the other person’s desires because those very desires could lead them away from you. And yet you have no choice… Everyone is on this astonishing path where everything is at stake—to speak your own name—we hunger for the path.”
And this is the obvious piece I’ve been missing. My path is for me. Others may intersect mine. We may form meaningful connections. We can even inspire. But their path belongs to them. Their calling is theirs. Mine is mine.
Whyte likens life to a wilderness experience. He suggests that we stop asking for coordinates and let life come and find us—that we let the experience of living be a revelation. He adds that, “Revelation must be terrible knowing you can never hide your voice again.”
In his poem of the same name he says,
….the world steps in
to test the calm fluidity of your body
from moment to momentas if it believed you could join
its vibrant dance
of fire and calmness and final stillness.As if you were meant to be exactly
where you are, as if
like the dark branch of a desert riveryou could flow on without a speck
of guilt and everything
everywhere would still be just as it should be.As if your place in the world mattered
and the world could
neither speak nor hear the fullness ofits own bitter and beautiful cry
without the deep well
of your body resonating in the echo…
Whyte is saying that our place in the world does matter; that each and every one of us is vital; that we can join life’s vibrant dance, flow on without a speck of guilt and everything will still be just as it should be. The WORLD knows this as the natural order of things. But it is a journey each of us must take, to find our way—to speak our name. No one else can do this for us and no one else can stop us. It is for us, our path, imperfect as we may be, to find where we belong. Proust’s beautiful quote springs to mind here: “We don’t receive wisdom; we must discover it for ourselves after a journey that no one can take for us or spare us.”
This dance of life is complex. It is enough to endeavor to direct my own journey. And to those whose paths intersect with mine, those I come to love, I will do everything in my power to love their desires. Because there really is no other choice.
Revelation can be terrible knowing I can never hide my voice again.
Love to you all,
Jeane
Very beautiful, and vulnerable. I reckon having children has helped me intellectually settle with this along with other relationships that I learned from but did not hold on to forever as a daily pill…and now I train to transmute the residue that may have been left behind from thoughts otherwise. My children are a lovely reminder of my own freedom and how life is always a gift in what ever form.
Oh, yes, I can see how having children, you would constantly be living and remembering this truth. The only true form of love is to love the other within the freedom of their own life choices–and to grant the same to ourselves.
Jeane, this post is chalk full of wisdom and one I find myself wanting to read over and over. I love how David Whyte suggests that our life is a process of discovery. Letting go and allowing that to happen has been something that I have been learning.
Hi Sylvia–I’m so happy you like the post. Thank you. I just received a new/old David Whyte tape that I’ll begin listening to. I have no doubt that he will continue to inspire deep thought. I made your pork roast last night! It was a big hit. I’ll post photos in a few weeks.
Your revelation is a gift to all and a reminder that we must do the same. I am so enjoying your posts and the sharing of your thoughts. I, for one, am a fellow traveler. What is the name of the tape of DW you are listening to? i think you would like his most recent What to Remember When Waking.
Hi Susan–Thank you for your kind words. It pleases me no end that you find something meaningful in my writing. I’m afraid the tape is very old and all reference to its name is gone. I’ve just been given another old tape of his that I haven’t started listening to yet, but the same is true of it: no title information. I’m sorry I can’t pass it on because it is a glorious tape. You’d mentioned What to Remember… before and I’ve ordered it. It’s on the way. I imagine new posts will be born from it. Thank you!
…astounding post, Jeanne. Whyte is someone I will look up and read after this. When you wrote of intersecting, I saw your recent painted works. What a beautiful visual expression of this wisdom, now yours. hugs-
Terri
Thank you, Terri. You will love David Whyte. He’s amazingly powerful and inspiring. I highly recommend his audio CDs. Did you see my paintings at one of the galleries or on my website? Just curious.
Haven’t been up there yet, have only seen your work here! I downloaded the 5 hr ‘Waking” and the CD of poems, ‘Return”…loving them SO much.
Oh, I’m so glad. David Whyte is a revelation.
XOXOXOX 🙂 To you, and all you have shared love with.
And to you as well…