I want to write you all a love letter that has nothing to do with Valentine’s Day coming up…
… because writing to you and hearing from you does truly keep me afloat.
And as I awoke to the usual difficulties of another day…
… I also awoke to a blizzard blowing in…
… and to Kim in the kitchen starting bread…
… soaking beans…
… and I knew I wanted to share this wondrous beauty with you…
There was a time not too long ago when I thought I was dying. Here it was. Death at my doorstep. So I put some real heart into wondering why I had ever been. And there was nothing. No great thing. No reason at all that I could come up with.
Except for this: Love.
Sift as I might, that was the only thing that stuck. When I stared death down, all that mattered was the love I’ve felt.
And this: I wanted a little more time, despite the daily pain. Because I want to be. For a little while longer, if it’s all right.
I heard from a reader today who is suffering, the way we have all suffered, the way we humans do suffer. I have no idea why life has been built to break our hearts, but it does seem so to me. And yet most of us want to continue.
I mean look at this…
… and this…
… and this…
… and this…
… and this…
Doesn’t it all just make your heart swell?
And isn’t that enough?
A long time ago a reader of the blog, Kim Moore, sent me this quote from a Mary Oliver poem:
“… it is a serious thing
just to be alive
on this fresh morning
in this broken world.”
And doesn’t that so beautifully and simply say it?
With much love,
Jeane
Indeed. Love you!
Jeane, I have been thinking of you a lot. When I read the first paragraph of this post I was filled with such sadness. You seem to feel you have not made a difference in the great scheme of things. You, of all people. Before we even left high school, you had touched so many lives in your leadership and inspiration from Albina to Draft Dodger Blues! You above all people have lived out loud, or quietly, or through your camera lense, or stroking your paint brush, into your written words and thoughts. This doesn’t even touch on your kindness to animals but we all know your ability to be trusted by your animals is meaningful. So young lady, here is to a gentle pat on your back to say you are pretty amazing! Be kind to yourself, Chief! Joy
My Dear Joy–I’ve been thinking about you a lot too. So sorry I haven’t responded to your many kind responses to the posts and to your calls. I always intend to but then I don’t find the energy. I have less of it now than what you knew of me.
Re: those first thoughts: It was more to express an acceptance, a thinking that after all is said and done none of it really matters except for love. That always matters and lasts and lives on beyond us. That’s all.
But I must say I am not and have never been the person of greatness you’ve always seen me to be. I’m just a person moving through this life as best I can. Your fierce loyalty always astounds me. You’ve always been more than generous about me no matter what.
Sending love,
Jeane
<3, Jeane. And I was just thinking yesterday that I hadn't seen your blog in a while…
It’s nice that you bumped into me again. I’m wondering what search brought this post up? It’s an old one and, like an old friend, it was lovely to read it again.
I’m not writing as much as before or as much as I’d like to, but I’m pushing out into the light again and I hope to be creating more soon.
Here’s my most recent post: http://high-road-artist.com/15273/an-artful-life/monhegan-getting-there/. Welcome back!