OK here’s the thing: It seems like lots has gone wrong with my physical being over the last 3½ years and right now I feel like I’m teetering on a balance between an irretrievable old age of lost function forever or reclaiming my strength. Today, as is true so many days, falling into old age sounds pretty good. And my flannel sheets are calling my name, softly calling…
All the same, I’ve got to get down to the gym in Espinola (a half hour drive one way) three times a week to do leg exercises to strengthen muscles that will then support a badly injured knee. Tomorrow was supposed to be my first day but there was a mix up on my meds late on Friday that I need to attend to as well and, the truth is, I just don’t want to go and it takes very little persuading to make me stay, so untangling Pfizer could seem like a very good excuse.
But, really, the fact is I feel like I’m so far gone at this point I just can’t believe there’s any getting back again.
And on top of it all I have to lose weight! For the first time in my life I’m heavy, which is almost a surprise. It just seemed to happen all of a sudden. I’ll admit I’ve sought the comfort of food over these three years past and now I’m afraid I’m paying the price for it. So not only do I need to lose weight for my own sense of self, I also need to remove the extra poundage off of that bad knee (and the good one that’s getting bad from doing all the work of the other).
So, again, here’s the thing: I need to get to the gym and I find I have very little heart or will to do it. So I’ve written this small piece to you all to enlist your support in getting me down the mountain to start a thing I want DONE without the doing of it. Oh me. There’s very little for you all in this post I’m afraid unless, of course, there are those of you out there facing something you don’t want to do that seems hopeless but will be good for you; oh and something you have absolutely no time for either. If there are, then maybe you’ll join me and together we can get to the doing of it rather than wishing it to be done.
But regardless, I already feel you all with me and I promise you this: Just writing to you has made me stronger, my resolve is awakening a bit, I’m shaking off a layer of dust…
So right now I say we begin tomorrow.
But we’ll see what the ‘morrow brings, yes?
Love to you all,
Jeane
The moving of bodies when heavy with disconnect can be a tough one! How to get those endorphins and muscles to wake up? Perhaps start with less than 3 days in Espa, more like 1 day a week to get back in a pattern. Three x wk seems a bit ambitious. Also, find exercises you can do at home so the doing is easier. Especially driving that narrow ridge from Truchas to the valley–winter is not a great time for that. I’m with you in the same challenges. In ABQ we have less snow so I can get out on trails – but I also find home Therabands and foot cycles helpful. I know you’ll find your way because you know this.
I agree with gailsteo99. Taking too large a bite will choke even the most eager eaters!! And I am really a wonder at diving into a task with all I have. This of course is the source of my new trend toward less extreme swimming styles. Since I can speak only for my self…after years of a varied array of helpful steps toward sorting out this body’s messages, I find a most important task has been to stop doing something. Well, to stop doing a few things actually (see – thinking cap needing straightening). Two steps forward, one step back is merely a dance, rather than a setback. Remember you are dancing, always dancing in this life. There is no forward or back except perhaps if part of a box step. XOX. You are the most wonderful Jeanne in every of your moments. This will never be other than the truth.
https://santafe.craigslist.org/hab/5340872021.html
exercise bike for sale santa fe $100….just an idea jeane…that road is rough to consider doing in winter….wait to go to gym if weather is warmer, roads clear? yoga videos online could help too! i know how hard it is….! until you can walk the hills with your dogs again….
Oh lordy do I ever know what you’re going through. I just started at the gym in August, when my Medicare “Silver Sneakers” program kicked in and I could go for free, and it was a hard road at first. I go 3x a week – mostly – and don’t beat myself up on the days I don’t. That’s a big one – you’re already not wanting to do this, don’t make it a guilt trip, too. If you can’t go, you can’t go – no blame. Start very, VERY small – no weight on the machine at first, just a few reps – and then build up as your muscles (and will power!) increase. Endorphins from the exercise will help a lot, keep you optimistic, and every time you add more weight and/or reps it will be another victory and visible progress toward your ultimate goal.
Of course you have to be careful of the roads and the weather, and it wouldn’t hurt to have a bike or video at home to use instead of, or in addition to, the gym, but it’s important to GO AND DO IT – that’s a victory in itself. Back when I was preparing to quit smoking, I read a book by the women who founded Smokenders, and one piece of advice they gave has proven to be endlessly useful in a variety of situations: You have to figure out what NOT going represents for you – a reward? a comfort? the rest you deserve? giving yourself a break? – and then change your mind and decide that GOING would be that reward, or comfort, or whatever. Defeat starts in your brain, the mental chatter you have going on in the background all the time; once you change that, it won’t seem like so far to drive or too much to do. It takes focus and being ferocious with yourself, refusing to fall into the old ways of thinking, and when you start to actually see the results, it will feed itself in a positive way. I now see going to the gym as a reward to myself, not a burden, and that makes it 100 times easier. Yes, of course, I still cheese out occasionally, but then I go the next day and feel wonderful.
I know you can do this, Jeane – and I think you know it, too. You just have to begin. Become the person you are inside, let that woman out, let her feel better and be stronger and live the years she has left on this earth as a happy, capable woman. Let go of the “can’t do”s and take hold of the “hell yeah”s. You’ll love it.
While mulling over your bum knee issue, I’ve come to the conclusion that getting to the gym might not be the priority (much as getting out of the house might cheer you up). Body mechanics are tricky. A bum knee throws more pressure on the good knee as well as tweaking the alignment of your pelvis, hips, spine, shoulders and feet. In my experience, floor stretches and chair exercises along with a giant ball and stretch bands are all you need to keep everything else toned. A large inflated exercise ball offers so many ways to work on different areas in fairly gentle ways – they are magic! Exercise bands (for chair exercises and leg work) are awesome as well. Good music is a must : ) Snow, ice, slush, tense driving conditions – these conditions and risks are not your body’s friend right now … too many chances of a slip or fall which is the worst outcome of trying to get to the gym. Stay home, work with your body (and spirit) in gentle ways – and don’t be surprised if the pups want to join in. One of my dogs loves yoga stretches with me : ) Please don’t sweat the weight for now, it’ll get handled when your knee is stronger and body is aligned with spirit. Most of all, be kind to yourself and easy on your heart.
JGW, I agree with Susan. There are so many exercises we can do for ourselves in our own home, garage, yard, etc…When I get bored with my workout routine, I look for new ideas on youtube. Start small, don’t beat yourself up, take your time, and make it enjoyable.
I forgot to add my thanks for your winter photos, love the one with snow piled on the chair along with all the gorgeous vistas … would that I could twitch my nose and land in your yard : )
And I agree with everyone that having to get on the road to go to the gym is the obstacle of defeat! Do you have a stationery bike possibility? I remember the day of you having that huge gym structure in your extra bedroom in Seattle! The aerobics of riding in place will help get the ole blood a movin’ and requires little space!