Note: I have a confession to make. In fact I was blasted out of a deep sleep by the phone ringing and Kim on the other end of the line excited about the beautiful sunrise. I WAS SLEEPING RIGHT THROUGH IT! I have no idea why, but thank you, Kim, for waking me, right? Now to your sugar-coated post, the way I first wrote it (ultimately I just couldn’t leave you with half-truths):
I awakened to a stunning sunrise this morning. A storm is coming in over the weekend promising snow, fingers crossed. So we’re getting some clouds in. Always good for the sun projecting its colors.
I was like a little kid at Christmastime anyway because Kim (see previous post Change, Lovely Change) had given me a huge box of my favorite tea last night, Twining’s Earl Gray, and a box of ginger biscuits, so I was eager to dig into them this morning. We’d been watching some English period piece by the BBC the other night, you see, and everybody was eating biscuits. By now you’re all aware of my delight in wonderful foods. Add to that the repeated power of suggestion, I mean it was all biscuits, biscuits, biscuits, and you just KNOW what that had to do to me! AND living high up on a mountain in a tiny village with no grocery stores of any kind, let alone one that would carry English tea biscuits, I was left wanting. But Kim had to go into Santa Fe a few days later so he brought me some.
Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh…
… pure bliss.
On my walk with the dogs, after tea, I got to thinking about gifts and giving. It’s never been easy for me to receive graciously. But long ago a young friend, still in college, was studying Philosophy and Psychology. She told me that one of her textbooks had a section that explored the concept of receiving as gift to the giver. Apparently, giving is extremely important to our psyches, even to our brain chemistry, if I remember correctly. So if we deny something given to us, we deny the giver this important act of giving. I’ve practiced being mindful of this ever since. Still needs some work I’m afraid.
But that brought up something else. Most of you know I’ve had shingles for months now (see previous post An Antidote for Pain). It has been extremely painful; more painful than I’ve been willing to admit to you and more painful than could be touched by pain meds. So I’ve just had to live with it.
One night while watching a movie with Kim in his Airstream (we came to call it Cinestream) (see previous post A Very Mini Artist’s Colony in New Mexico), he was having real trouble with a very sore shoulder. The muscle was sort of spasming. I told him I could try to help by massaging it. He was reluctant to accept because I was in such extreme pain myself. But I convinced him that my pain was going to continue whether I worked on his shoulder or not, so why shouldn’t I at least try? Finally, he let me.
And an amazing thing happened. After a bit, my pain was lessened, and soon it was almost gone. Really. We did this night after night and the result was always the same. By helping Kim with his pain, he was helping me with mine.
I asked my pain doctor about it and he said it made perfect sense. That helping Kim was taking me out of my pain body. Wow. It continues to help and I’ve also found that it works when I massage my animals.
When we give we receive. When we accept what is given, we give.
Love to you all,
Jeane
So So true. When I was working as a letter carrier ( read, mailman) there was a thing I always looked forward to. The NALC ( National Assoc. of Letter Carriers) food drive. It happens every May. As carriers deliver their routes, on that day, they also pick up donations from their customers. I cannot begin to explain the depth of pleasure and excitement this generates. As you go through your day and your truck gets fuller and fuller with donated food the grin on your face gets progressively bigger, to the point where your head is in danger of splitting wide open. And the thing is, your not the one doing the giving. You’re just collecting the donations. Giving is a blessing to all involved; the giver, the receiver and the middleman. Everyone benefits and shares in the goodness. Giving is “paying it forward” in its’ purest form and receiving with grace is a liberating experience that is gift in its’ own right. Giving and receiving are two sides of the same coin.
Ah, but this post is talking about something more complex than giving. Giving is usually relatively easy for most of us and, of course, the many facets of its joy received could fill books (and probably has). This piece is referring to the gift we give when we RECEIVE–something much harder for most of us to do.
I understood that. I don’t know that we have any disagreement here, maybe more a different approach to the whole question. I can see where you and others have a problem with receiving. Giving in our society has become tainted. For instance, the diamond industry would have us believe that the only way to express love is with a whopping big rock.For every conceivable occasion. The act of giving should be something that is spontaneous and done for no other reason than it makes us feel good.When it becomes enforced, so to speak, it loses all real meaning and correspondingly spoils the gift for the receiver.There is also this; we are taught that we need always to reciprocate when we are given something. The thing here is that we are also taught ( or perhaps we assume) that we must reciprocate in kind. Dollar for dollar or size for size. This is not my idea of a gift or how to react to a gift. In my mind, if a gift is “truly” given, freely and out of love or respect or simple generosity, then the way to receive it is the same way as you react to the sun. You accept it and let it warm you( as the giver meant it to do). Gifting and receiving should be a sharing experience that bring us closer not cause us anxiety or disquiet because of an obligation that doesn’t really exist.
It is so difficult to understand another person’s emotional response to something, especially people we don’t know. My difficulty in receiving has nothing to do with the two instances you bring up. And I’m not talking about big things here, but rather something small like a compliment, a nice bottle of wine, an offer of help, ginger tea biscuits and Earl Gray tea–not even something that is expensive. For whatever our reasons (and they are complex and many I can assure you), some of us find it difficult to receive. My reasons are as different from yours as you are from me.
I do understand what you are saying. I guess the thing really is that I haven’t walked to ,point blank, ask why you have the problem. On the one hand, I do want to know and understand; on the other hand, I don’t want to start prying or acting like…. what. You fill in the blank. I am most interested in having an on-going dialogue and maintaining a connection. It is always good to have someone to talk to.
Rob
You and I move through the world differently. While I continue to work on issues for my own personal growth, I don’t see any of my learning as a “problem.” Many, many people have difficulty with receiving and that fact is just understood as part of the human condition. I am not unique in this. I am sensitive. Therefore I see and feel what’s going on in my interior. Does that make this a “problem” or self-awareness? I accept myself the way I am. I’m happy and fulfilled. There is nothing for you to fix here.
When communicating on the blog, I write from a point of view that my readers know every bit as much as I do; that I’m not telling them “what is” because they already know. Although I’m quite certain you mean well, you might look at your seeming need to find a problem, to fix things, and to tell others what is. That’s not very conversational.
If you really want to foster dialogue, although giving my readers “someone to talk to”on an “on-going” basis isn’t intended to be the blog’s function, before you write, listen–wholly, and not from your head. Deeply understand what is being discussed. Your initial response to this piece that is addressing the act of giving THROUGH RECEIVING was all about GIVING, a much simpler concept. After I pointed this out in my response, you said you understood this, but your writing doesn’t indicate that. Respond to a post if you have something to say but, please, listen first and have an understanding of the point or points that are being made first. Then respond to those.
Something I will remember next time I am in pain. Moving out of one’s pain body …. It makes perfect sense. My mouth is watering at the thought of Walkers ginger biscuits. We get Walkers shortbread here, but I will be searching for the ginger now. It was 45C (113F) yesterday which makes me envy your snow. What a glorious sunrise!
It’s really quite amazing, isn’t it? Almost as amazing as those ginger biscuits with pieces of candied ginger in them. Mmmmmmmmm. Mine are all gone, sadly, as is a lot of our snow. We desperately need more but a couple of storms are on the way and , fingers crossed, they’re talking of snow. Your kind of heat is what I lived with in Utah so I can FEEL it all the way up here!