Think about solitude and our culture for just a minute. Do you ever wish things were simpler? In general it seems life, these days, is always so full. Between jobs, appointments, errands, time with friends and family members, where do people find space to be totally alone?
Most are bombarded every single day with millions of sounds and images on radio, TV, in check out lines, on billboards, not to mention speeding cars passing us by in our busy lives of work and commitments. People are continually immersed in external stimulus that’s nearly impossible to avoid.
In this society, how do you find solitude if you want it? Really.
I pose this question as one who is spoiled. I’ve made certain choices over the years that have shaped my life. I live in the middle of nowhere—well, in the middle of nature, really. I don’t have TV and I rarely listen to the radio these days so my exposure to outside “noise” is, mercifully, limited.
I’ve been happily on my own for many years now. My life is full and interesting and it is also silent and still. Deep solitude is mine every day if I want it, although I’ve had to fight for it some, even in this remote village. I have a ton of time to myself and it’s been easy to forget that not everyone is in my circumstance—in fact very few people are—and more people desire and need it than I think we know.
I have a friend who is in the midst of a major life transition. All of his life he’s done for others—tended to their needs and desires over his. He’s been in two major relationships which were defined, in part, by being always together. Other than when he worked — a job that found him alone a lot — he has never really been on his own.
So now he is seeking solitude and dramatically changing his life in order to achieve it. He’s pursuing a relationship with himself. He wants to learn how to be absolutely alone–to know what that feels like—what it even means. And he wants to be able to do whatever he wants whenever he wants. His choice. How’s that sound to you? Better than you’d like to admit?
I’ve come to understand that, more than his time, I want his happiness. He seeks something I’ve enjoyed for so long that I take it for granted. But it’s not a given — not for him. And it’s not something he can create in a weekend alone, or two weeks alone, or even two months alone. He may need all the rest of his days. And, because he is my friend, I wish it for him: The kind of peace I have found in my years of solitude. Whatever part of that is mine to give, I offer it to him forever.
If you need some time and space alone, it doesn’t mean you don’t love the people you’re with. They’ll understand, I promise. Talk to them.
Love to you all,
Jeane
awwwwwwwwwwwwww sigh……you are so lovely.
<3
I wish you peace and joy my love.
Grace
ps I LOVE those bird houses…OMG!!!
Peace and love flying back to you and lots of mountain moonlight and star-shine… Those bird houses are on the Mabel Dodge Luhan estate. She was a very cool woman who settled in Taos from NYC and attracted many artful people to the area. She was a great supporter of the arts and artists. There are a few more pics of her place in the post, My Favorite Taos Modernist, archived under Artist Profiles 🙂
I posted to you a note earlier, but I must have – not thinking – switched what I was doing and lost it…or somehow it was lost:)
But mostly I wanted you to know that I am empathetic to your aches of heart, you are wise and speak like the wise soul you are, but you are also that sweet child who needs to cry sometimes too. I cry so easily. It’s a good thing:)
At my Fathers funeral the emotion I felt was most of all happy he had left his body to be united with the greater energy. I was surprised to observe how many people tend to watch as others cry…but I found I could not…I had to go to them and hug them and cry crocodile tears with them – for what ever reason they were crying…it was just the obvious thing to do. But then, I could never let my babies cry either…books could never convince me it was good to let a baby cry with out comforting them – holding them close…so I carried babies allot, happy for the opportunity.
I’m guessing your inner child like mine loves hugs, so when I hug my inner child I will pretend you are my twin and so you will be in my arms hug also:)
Sleep cozy with your fuzzy children tonight and always,
XOXOX
Grace
Thank you, dear Grace. It’s lovely how you read between the lines. Yes, sometimes we need to grieve even when we understand. Loss is still loss. In dating over this last little more than a year, I have finally come to understand and embrace that I finally want to be in a relationship. I am ready to truly love, I believe, and to allow myself to be loved. So let’s sit back and see what Spirit has in mind, shall we?
I receive your hug and am grateful for it. I’m giving my little girl lots of acceptance. Hugs back to you.
XOXO J
oooo I LOVE it:) Universe with a project!!!
You sound GOOD!!
XOXOX
Grace
Yes, Universe with a project indeed. My friend, Alvaro, has advised me to make a proper wish every night before I go to sleep and I’m doing that, so hold onto your hat…
Working on it.
Holding onto your hat?
Nice piece… Solitude, for those of us who have rarely had it, can be a daunting thing. The more I experience it, the more I come to know myself and the pleasures of simplicity and an examined life. Thanks for the post.
Ah, you are working on solitude! Got it. Yes, I think deep silence and time alone, in our own interiors, seems to be something we humans tend to avoid. And yet there is so much reward to be had when we allow it for ourselves. Sometimes painful, sometimes joyous, my personal solitude is an ongoing gift but one I am grateful to set aside from time to time for the pleasures also found in the company of friends. As in every aspect of life, solitude asks us to seek and find balance. Here’s to the ongoing journey!
Hi Craig–I posted this quote on the High Road Artist facebook fan page but then I remembered you don’t do facebook so I’m posting it here. Thought you might appreciate it:
“Ultimately these feelings bring us back to the unavoidable solitude of the self, where we ponder how to live and be, how to transcend or make peace with the aloneness of consciousness. And where we also ponder how we might find in our existential solitude the link to solidarity and fellowship and even to intimacy with the soul of another.” –William deBuys, The Walk
Thanks… nice quotation… “how to live and be”… the goal of this pilgrim, simply stated.
Knew you’d like it.