The next number of posts, all titled Conversations on… come from email communications between a dear friend and me. With her permission, I am publishing excerpts from them because I feel they pertain to everything we’ve been discussing on the blog. Kate has been in the process of trying to figure out how to be a writer and still maintain her teaching job. She has very recently decided she must leave her job and fully embrace a “writing life.” At her request I’ve changed her name and am using initials for people she brings up. Those of you who have not read any of the earlier Conversation pieces, may want to go back to have a better understanding of Kate’s progress. You’ll find her story under the topic category, “Kate’s Story.” It’d be great if you all would join our conversation…
I am not sure I can process all of the deeply felt and important messages contained in your words and express my thoughts adequately. But I will make a first-pass attempt. This is coming after having read, among other posts, the Conversation Part 3 in your blog today, and being brought to tears because I was so moved by Sheri’s comment about how reading that conversation is affecting her. I considered posting a comment but wasn’t sure how to do it as me. So I decided not to comment.
Yet…that was me, and here I am now, trying to make sense of all that has happened since then, trying to make my peace with the Universe and with myself. It’s so strange to be on a journey like this and be unable to imagine what’s next. That, in some ways, is the beauty of it, I realize now—and need to remember. I see now, with your help, that this is part of letting go, the living-the-questions part, the learning-how-to-just-be part, the listening part, the healing part, the learning-how-to-surrender part, the acceptance-of-what-is part, the being-still part. The truly-loving-oneself part. Why is that so hard to learn?
Thank you for giving me the tools to work toward a place of understanding, of “getting” and “accepting” how to trust life. Thank you for being a lifeline to finding peace and living a creative life. Thank you for “lighting the way” and letting me know that this is bringing you forward to a new place, or a new awareness of where you are on your journey, too.
I am so deeply grateful for the generosity at your core, the unconditional generosity that is who you are, through your own struggle to heal and overcome loss. And for your understanding that the language you have been speaking to me is still a foreign one, that I am only at the single-word stage of comprehension, maybe putting two words together here and there, but not even a complete phrase. I am grateful for the examples that I needed to give me a framework for understanding the syntax and vocabulary of letting go, “releasing” old ways of perceiving myself and the world, knowing—truly knowing—what “gentle acceptance and trust” are and that finding out how to “embrace” them is the only way to achieve my dreams. These words are the building blocks of the language I must fully decipher and make my own, MY language of thought and action—or maybe it’s the language of NON-action that I’m needing to learn right now. 🙂
As I come to terms with all this I will share more of my reflections. Please know how much your support means to me. I know I’ve said that before, and I have a feeling I will say it again.
I will respond tomorrow but I just came across this post you may not have read and felt it was in keeping with our conversation: Dreams Come True
From Jeane, next day:
It’s amazing how these Conversation posts affect people! I get so many responses via facebook and email that you don’t see, but know you are touching lives. You could respond on the blog as Kate, putting in MF’s email, which wouldn’t publish anyway. People would be very touched I’m sure.
All that you list, “the living the questions part” and all the rest, is hard because it is evolutionary. With each small step of progress, you evolve. It’s very hard work you’re doing and it’s not for the faint of heart so give yourself some credit.
These conversations we share are a lifeline for me, too. They remind me of what I worked so hard for and give me the strength and courage to continue. So thank you for the generosity at your core.
The language of “NON-action.” I like that!
To be continued…
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Love to you all,