The next number of posts, all titled Conversations on… come from email communications between a dear friend and me. With her permission, I am publishing excerpts from them because I feel they pertain to everything we’ve been discussing on the blog. Kate has been in the process of trying to figure out how to be a writer and still maintain her teaching job. She has very recently decided she must leave her job and fully embrace a “writing life.” At her request I’ve changed her name and am using initials for people she brings up. Those of you who have not read any of the earlier Conversation pieces, may want to go back to have a better understanding of Kate’s progress. It’d be great if you all would join our conversation…
I’m very grateful that you have this particularly gifted acupuncturist in your life right now but I’m so, so sorry for the trauma you suffered during the medical visit. My take on this, and please forgive me if I’m crossing a line here, is that you’re meant to work solely with the acupuncturist. Leave the doctors out of it and work with him. He will bring that nerve all the way back to life again. I know he will. It is great news that, already, there are signs of recovery.
I do feel your grief all the way over here. I honor it with you. I stand in it with you. Much is dying right now and your psyche knows it. I believe you will be grieving in layer after layer for a long time. And that’s OK. It’s an awakening as well as a death. You know what it feels like when a limb has gone to sleep and wakes up–that painful tingling? I think your whole being is awakening and there’s no way for that to happen than to go through the pain. Try not to look for feeling celebratory. That’s going to come–probably in small increments and when you least expect it– but this journey you’re on, this moment and how you’re feeling right now, is what’s important. As it has been said, “The journey is the only destination.” So try very hard not to be looking down the road to a final destination of celebration. That will naturally come, probably when you’re writing.
I’m so grateful for your therapist. The sentiments of that poem have sustained me lately. It’s exactly what I’ve come to over and over again in some recent dark nights of the soul, but I didn’t know it had been put down so perfectly into words. So please thank ML for me as well. It sounds to me like he is very intuitive. I think he will always be in touch with exactly what you need.
Your barn has felt powerfully important to me ever since you told me about it when you were here. I kept sensing you working in it, but I didn’t know you’d be beginning a writing life. I saw you teaching there, maybe. But the image of the desk in the barn is almost like your portal into your new life. It is a gift given you by Spirit way back when you bought your house. It is a shining beacon of your own, right there on your land, calling you forward.
It is going to be alright, as I agreed last night, for you and for me. I think there is something necessary to our art in the struggle we’ve lived. But I think it can ease.
It IS all about healing now.
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Love to you all,